Greetings folks,
I am updating you all on everything again, hence a recent turn of events has taken place and modified many things I said in my last update. For instance those involving Elijah. long story peeps but bear with me. It happened 2 days after our 2 month anniversary of knowing one another, pardon actually the DAY after it. :( yes very sad i know..I was all happy that we had grown something in those two months, and was actually optimistic and bright about the whole thing that maybe we'd continue to cultivate and grow that "something" and maybe have hope for more in the future, But God's plans change and so did mine no matter how resistant I was at first, I began to see it from the Lord's point of view. for two months however I went through a lot of emotional and spiritual torment, I would always struggle with my pride which took over at times preventing me from following God's will, and now I honestly regret being so obstinate, because now the one I loved likely would never take me back. So I must keep pressing forward taking each step day by day, week by week and so forth. SO I have been working on my schoolwork, a career and friendship as well as my relationship and spiritual growth in the Lord. I've taken an interest in orthodox christianity and trying to learn more about it. I don't nescarily have to attend an orthodox church when i get on my own due to there aren't any in my town, but I'd hope to become a member of the one in Bixby Ok. Honestly when looking back at the past relationship with Elijah, maybe the Lord was showing me this path through Him, and once I was interested Elijah's God given purpose in my life was fulfilled although of course we are still good friends. There is tension but that's to be expected sometimes. :\ due to the strong feelings I felt for him. I mean I had never felt that degree of passion and spiritual connection to anyone before, not even my former online bf. There was a bond, unexplicable, and it's hard to get over him even though we lasted only such a short while it felt like years. I'd not experienced true heartbreak in such a long time, and not only because of my love for Eli, but also because I betrayed and hurt two of my closest best friends, Josh and Christi. I blindly ignored them when they warned me of what would happen rushing into things with elijah, and hurt them badly by taking offense and thinking they didnt' want happiness for me, rather than seeing their concern was perfectly valid. It turns out I should have waited and not allowed myself to fall facedown in love and allow myself to be snared by the affairs of the heart..because it caused me to hurt and nearly abandon two o the friends i loved the most, and truly cared about. I honestly look back and can't seem to understand what came over me to change me so rapidly..and christi and Josh saw it..saw it before I did. Well I try to forget and forgive myself but I find it hard to, I cry about it every night almost to this day. It's something the Lord will have to work on my heart to get me to forgive myself I am sure. Anyways sorry for the long drawn out drama-fest, I just thought I'd explain in details the significant events the past 2 months. besids the death of one of my cats, Steve..who suddenly came down with an illness. :( it depressed me quite badly..due to I lost Marmalade last year around the same time.
Now except for that, I've been focused on the general: My lessons, learning more about various things, my relationship with the Lord and searching for possible career ideas at least for now. I applied at several places the other day, McDonalds, Mazzios Pizza, and walmart (although didnt pass their empoyee assessment test) :( so i have to keep my mind set on the other two options as well as possibly freelance web design..at least for now.. and this fall attempt to get my driver license, and obtain a little freedom. :)
I also recently set up my simple home network, with a router I got for my birthday just a few days ago..now I have plenty of Pc time as opposed to 1-2 hours here and there. :P
well peeps, that's the basic overview whats going on with me, I hope you enjoy reading and stay Blessed!
stay tuned and I'll try better to keep ya posted!
in Christ
Casey
cc~
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
the life of casey on recent terms
Hello readers, I know I havent updated this in quite a while now, So I figured it's about time to do so now.
anyways, the past few months since an update, the remainder of Feb/March, went by quickly..but were nonetheless eventful in many ways. the first half of March consisted of me discovering that my course completion date was to expire March 18th or 19th, so i had to request a 3 month course extension, which will be up in june, around the 18th or 20th. and that basically caused me to expend some wory and energy, and pushed me to get in gear when it came to studying the remainder of my windows xp lessons. I need to do the same for the HTML and web design lessons I am taking currently..but that's for a later part of this blog. anyways another significant event of note in March is that I signed up on this website for Christian penpals that my friend Christi found and recommended, so i signed up there and I met a few good friends there and also a wonderful guy named Elijah from new York whom I am now in a relationship with and love dearly :) I feel really Blessed to have him in my life, and know that God put him there for a reason, and I really hope that I could possibly in the future spend my life together with him as a marriage, although at this stage it's all in God's hands what becomes of our relationship. So all I can do is pray and take each day one at a time, and enjoy what we have together and focus on ways of meeting him in person, one way that I have in mind is going to see him for my birthday, but my mom seems very put off to the idea of me flying to NY by myself, so me and Elijah have another plan, which we don't knowfor sure if it will work, but it's worth a few tries! The plan is for elijah to fly down to Ok and stay in the airport hotel for a day, so he can meet my mom and possibly dad too, then I would fly back to NY with him and stay for about a week..(or two) ;) then fly back *scoffs*..I wouldn't be too fond of that part though. :P leaving will definitly be the hardest part of the whole trip If I do get to go. But to be able to see him for a day, several days or a week would be enough for me because I love him so much, though I'd want to stay preferably a week or two. But anyways, that's basically March, now moving onto April...
during that month alot of drama between me and my friends mainly was going on, due to they thought my relationship with Elijah was a bad idea, that I was moving too fast, that they were afraid I was going to get hurt, etc etc. it was quite hard on my emotionally. My friendships with my two friends Josh and christi were somewhat damaged..but thanks to prayer and more prayer I can actually have a somewhat normal friend like conversation with Christi again, although with Josh it's still the same, I havent' been able to talk to him since the day he got back from scottsbluff Ne for a friends' wedding. I sent him a message asking how he was doing and such due to a few events that happened scottsbluff that left me worried about him. ugh! well that's all over for now..and things have calmed down some, me and elijah's relationship seems to be going smoothly at the time, and i couldnt' be happier :D well, that's an overstatement I could if of course I am allowed to fly up to NY and see elijah for my birthday! :)then I'd be the happiest girl in the world no strings attached! ;)
I've also learned quite a bit of web design over the past month and a half too working with HTML mainly and will also be learning CSS, JavaScript and XHTML. so far they have been really fun and interesting lessons to learn, and will prove very useful if i decide to pursue web design as a career field, rather then network administration. Anyways that's a summary of the past few months put simply, there may be a few other smaller significant events i have ommitted unknowingly but thank goodness for the edit feature in case I do remember more. ;)
so, i will try to keep this updated more, and take care and God bless to all who read my writings!
see you next blog!
Casey
anyways, the past few months since an update, the remainder of Feb/March, went by quickly..but were nonetheless eventful in many ways. the first half of March consisted of me discovering that my course completion date was to expire March 18th or 19th, so i had to request a 3 month course extension, which will be up in june, around the 18th or 20th. and that basically caused me to expend some wory and energy, and pushed me to get in gear when it came to studying the remainder of my windows xp lessons. I need to do the same for the HTML and web design lessons I am taking currently..but that's for a later part of this blog. anyways another significant event of note in March is that I signed up on this website for Christian penpals that my friend Christi found and recommended, so i signed up there and I met a few good friends there and also a wonderful guy named Elijah from new York whom I am now in a relationship with and love dearly :) I feel really Blessed to have him in my life, and know that God put him there for a reason, and I really hope that I could possibly in the future spend my life together with him as a marriage, although at this stage it's all in God's hands what becomes of our relationship. So all I can do is pray and take each day one at a time, and enjoy what we have together and focus on ways of meeting him in person, one way that I have in mind is going to see him for my birthday, but my mom seems very put off to the idea of me flying to NY by myself, so me and Elijah have another plan, which we don't knowfor sure if it will work, but it's worth a few tries! The plan is for elijah to fly down to Ok and stay in the airport hotel for a day, so he can meet my mom and possibly dad too, then I would fly back to NY with him and stay for about a week..(or two) ;) then fly back *scoffs*..I wouldn't be too fond of that part though. :P leaving will definitly be the hardest part of the whole trip If I do get to go. But to be able to see him for a day, several days or a week would be enough for me because I love him so much, though I'd want to stay preferably a week or two. But anyways, that's basically March, now moving onto April...
during that month alot of drama between me and my friends mainly was going on, due to they thought my relationship with Elijah was a bad idea, that I was moving too fast, that they were afraid I was going to get hurt, etc etc. it was quite hard on my emotionally. My friendships with my two friends Josh and christi were somewhat damaged..but thanks to prayer and more prayer I can actually have a somewhat normal friend like conversation with Christi again, although with Josh it's still the same, I havent' been able to talk to him since the day he got back from scottsbluff Ne for a friends' wedding. I sent him a message asking how he was doing and such due to a few events that happened scottsbluff that left me worried about him. ugh! well that's all over for now..and things have calmed down some, me and elijah's relationship seems to be going smoothly at the time, and i couldnt' be happier :D well, that's an overstatement I could if of course I am allowed to fly up to NY and see elijah for my birthday! :)then I'd be the happiest girl in the world no strings attached! ;)
I've also learned quite a bit of web design over the past month and a half too working with HTML mainly and will also be learning CSS, JavaScript and XHTML. so far they have been really fun and interesting lessons to learn, and will prove very useful if i decide to pursue web design as a career field, rather then network administration. Anyways that's a summary of the past few months put simply, there may be a few other smaller significant events i have ommitted unknowingly but thank goodness for the edit feature in case I do remember more. ;)
so, i will try to keep this updated more, and take care and God bless to all who read my writings!
see you next blog!
Casey
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