Another Update peeps..

Greetings folks,

I am updating you all on everything again, hence a recent turn of events has taken place and modified many things I said in my last update. For instance those involving Elijah. long story peeps but bear with me. It happened 2 days after our 2 month anniversary of knowing one another, pardon actually the DAY after it. :( yes very sad i know..I was all happy that we had grown something in those two months, and was actually optimistic and bright about the whole thing that maybe we'd continue to cultivate and grow that "something" and maybe have hope for more in the future, But God's plans change and so did mine no matter how resistant I was at first, I began to see it from the Lord's point of view. for two months however I went through a lot of emotional and spiritual torment, I would always struggle with my pride which took over at times preventing me from following God's will, and now I honestly regret being so obstinate, because now the one I loved likely would never take me back. So I must keep pressing forward taking each step day by day, week by week and so forth. SO I have been working on my schoolwork, a career and friendship as well as my relationship and spiritual growth in the Lord. I've taken an interest in orthodox christianity and trying to learn more about it. I don't nescarily have to attend an orthodox church when i get on my own due to there aren't any in my town, but I'd hope to become a member of the one in Bixby Ok. Honestly when looking back at the past relationship with Elijah, maybe the Lord was showing me this path through Him, and once I was interested Elijah's God given purpose in my life was fulfilled although of course we are still good friends. There is tension but that's to be expected sometimes. :\ due to the strong feelings I felt for him. I mean I had never felt that degree of passion and spiritual connection to anyone before, not even my former online bf. There was a bond, unexplicable, and it's hard to get over him even though we lasted only such a short while it felt like years. I'd not experienced true heartbreak in such a long time, and not only because of my love for Eli, but also because I betrayed and hurt two of my closest best friends, Josh and Christi. I blindly ignored them when they warned me of what would happen rushing into things with elijah, and hurt them badly by taking offense and thinking they didnt' want happiness for me, rather than seeing their concern was perfectly valid. It turns out I should have waited and not allowed myself to fall facedown in love and allow myself to be snared by the affairs of the heart..because it caused me to hurt and nearly abandon two o the friends i loved the most, and truly cared about. I honestly look back and can't seem to understand what came over me to change me so rapidly..and christi and Josh saw it..saw it before I did. Well I try to forget and forgive myself but I find it hard to, I cry about it every night almost to this day. It's something the Lord will have to work on my heart to get me to forgive myself I am sure. Anyways sorry for the long drawn out drama-fest, I just thought I'd explain in details the significant events the past 2 months. besids the death of one of my cats, Steve..who suddenly came down with an illness. :( it depressed me quite badly..due to I lost Marmalade last year around the same time.

Now except for that, I've been focused on the general: My lessons, learning more about various things, my relationship with the Lord and searching for possible career ideas at least for now. I applied at several places the other day, McDonalds, Mazzios Pizza, and walmart (although didnt pass their empoyee assessment test) :( so i have to keep my mind set on the other two options as well as possibly freelance web design..at least for now.. and this fall attempt to get my driver license, and obtain a little freedom. :)

I also recently set up my simple home network, with a router I got for my birthday just a few days ago..now I have plenty of Pc time as opposed to 1-2 hours here and there. :P

well peeps, that's the basic overview whats going on with me, I hope you enjoy reading and stay Blessed!
stay tuned and I'll try better to keep ya posted!

in Christ
Casey
cc~